The funny side of being an amputee.
I've been MIA lately and haven't written a blog in awhile. Lots has been happening in my life, from a Bali wedding, to the Flu, to moving house and cities. But that's no excuse, so for that i decided to put together some of my funniest stories/ situations I've found myself in because of my leg , ( or lack of.) you're welcome :)
Don't leave your leg behind.
For my first story ill take you back to high school, not long after i lost my leg. my then bf and I were at one of the many house parties we went to and I was wearing a leg that, well lets just say is no where near as flash as the one I'm on now. After one to many red bears, or Jim beams ( classy ) i can't remember, we decided to jump in the spa. So to do so, i obviously had to take my leg off. Only problem was i needed special equipment to put it back on. So after i couldn't get my leg back on i decided to leave my leg at the house and hop to the taxi... To this day I still don't know why i didn't just take it with me... Anyway the next morning we went to retrieve my leg and it seemed to be full of beer... and there were lots of photos to show why. People decided it was a great idea to chug from it.
Maybe don’t ask next time…
A quick but awkward story was when I finally went back to school after the amputation on crutches and i was in my English class and the teacher asked infront of everyone, oh kelly what have you done to yourself?….. oh not much, “just got my leg cut off over the holidays”. She was as bright as a tomato.. surely teachers talk about this stuff in the staff room?!!
Where there's a will there's a way.
After finishing school we all seem to be on the poorer side.. so my friends and i came up with a brilliant way of sneaking alcohol ( i don't do this anymore i promise ) into places like the races, festivals & clubs, and yep it was inside my leg and it worked every time :)
I started full time work at a cafe after school and my dads job every morning was to put my shoe on for me ( i was lazy and didn't put it on before i put my leg on ) and we had about 10 shoe horns laying around for this reason. One day I had been at work for a good 3 hours when a nice old man tapped me on the shoulder after taking his coffee out to tell me i had a big shoe horn sticking out the back of my shoe... surely my dad knew this!
Don't date another amputee
When I was 21 i dated another amputee and we both had a walking leg and a running leg each. I also flew to Sydney regularly to get my legs made. On one occasion i landed in sydney with what i thought was my spare leg, got to my prosthetists opened the bag and i had in fact taken my bf’s leg all the way there with me. No one was impressed.
Whilst out on the town one night, i got chatting to a guy. we sat down and talked for quite some time before he put his hand on my thigh, ( i had pants on ) and he looked at me strange and started tapping my leg and asked “ have you got a broken leg” I freaked out and literally ran off and told my friends to go back and tell him the truth, to which he replied “ oh thats ok i get it, i broke my ankle when i was in primary school”. yep same thing.
Always double check.
Ryan and i were at the gym one day, ( only a few weeks into our relationship ) and my leg all morning just didn't feel right. I have those days, where sometimes me leg feels crap, or its just not fitting well. But this day it was extra annoying. So i decided to take off my leg off in the middle of the gym and in front or Ryan. After i tipped it upside down, a pair of undies fell out... in front of everyone.
This story is one thats hard to explain... one of those “ you had to be there” but ill try.
Ryan and i were at a very busy train station, waiting for a train, when a lady called out very loudly “Oi what happened to your leg?” as much as i wanted to say “ nothing what happened to your face?” i didn't. I told her the truth, and she replied with “oh right i just wanted to know so i could avoid it happening to me”. Face palm
The thought that counts
Another quick story happened not to long ago when i was on crutches because i was having a sore stump day. I went out for coffee and when I sat down at my table the nice waitress came up to me with an extra chair and said it was for my sore leg to rest on….. He was mortified when my friend flat out said, she doesn’t have a leg…. he felt so bad i got a free macaroon :)
Finally ill leave you with something cute. Max doesn’t usually take any notice of leg, other than when i make him fetch it for me in the mornings if i have left it in the lounge, obviously he’s just used to it and its just Mummy’s leg. But yesterday he was eating a tiny teddy and bit one of the legs off and said “ look its mummy” naw!
There are many more stories as I'm coming up to 14 years as an amputee now, so i promise to share again ( once i remember them all ), and I'm sure there will be many more to come. If you have any funny stories I would love to hear them!